Thursday, June 30, 2016

Coffee

I had to make an entry into the ‘Grievance Redressal System’ today.
I stumbled into the pantry with half-closed eyes desperately craving for that rejuvenating first-sip which will activate my eyelids to fully operational, kick-start my brain and make my senses observe the world clearly again.
I put my cup under the general area of the dispenser, pressed the ‘Espresso’ button through muscle memory… and… there was a power outage. S-word!
That activated a ‘fight or flight’ area of my brain which has evolved over the millennia to face such situations. I mean, what did the hunter-gatherer do when he realized in the morning that he had run out of the coffee-fruits he had gathered? He obviously couldn’t go hunting without having a few? The huntress has been needing way too many ever since the little baby huntress was born!
Ok, let’s go to the upstairs pantry; F-word, that would be out too! The cafeteria? That B-word vendor hasn’t been coming all this week!
Calm down! Breathe deeply. Say ‘Ooooohhhmmmm’; let go of all resistance. Breathe in from one nostril, breathe out of another… but even this is only possible AFTER coffee! Should I go out to Adyar Ananda Bhavan 3km down the road? Oh D-word, I take the office cab these days. F-word carbon-credits, I should start driving again!
Power hadn’t come back. I slowly started trudging back to my desk, turned my chair around and was half way through sitting on it when the power came back. I had to trudge back to the pantry and wait for the machine to stop saying ‘Please wait… initializing’ for five minutes before I could get my coffee.
Suggestion to admin department is that the coffee machine should be connected to the UPS. After all it is life-giving fluid somewhere between ‘Wi-fi’ and ‘Water’ on Maslow’s Pyramid of needs.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Facebook Privacy!

No, it is not fake news, it is not just a rumour which went viral.
Your Facebook posts are NOT private. They never have been. It is important to recognize that we Facebook users are not Facebook's customers! In fact we are the commodity.
Our posts and our information is what they sell to make money. Why else does Whatsapp never come good its threat to charge us 'starting next year'?
Yet, we use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Flickr, Tumblr, Imgur, FourSquare... Weibo and everything in between. There is even something called ‘43Things’. Go figure!
There are software service companies who sell Data Analysis tools which can hook into your Social Networking stream, parse through all that 'unstructured' data using tools like Hadoop, make sense out of it and provide a dashboard full of charts as big as a Rajini cut out at Satyam theatre on Kabali opening day.
And there are hundreds of such companies using these dashboards to figure out what ads can be placed when you are reading news online and what spam can be sent to your Gmail ‘Promotions’ folder. Which is why it is unforgivable that Flipkart still tries to sell me an expensive phone after I have already bought an expensive phone from their very website; though that strategy works well on consumables, like Firstcry.in putting up diaper ads on whichever site I go to!
Yet, this is fake news. Not only is it fake news, it is fake news from nearly 4 years ago! Please stop copy-pasting it on your walls! FB is not going to make all your posts ‘Public’. Even people who have never bothered to change their post privacy settings from ‘Public’ are copy-pasting this stupidity on their walls!
Stop eet! Eva ava…
(BTW, why copy-paste and not share? I would never figure that logic out!)